uh, not much- let’s temper your expectations now. however, let’s be clear- i don’t believe in false advertising- i am indeed sassy and on some days am also granola. the sassy you will find yourself, the granola is harder to see so perhaps some examples are necessary:
- i compost
- i recycle things that probably have no business going in the recycling bin
- i only eat grass-fed beef (and by “only” i mean 95% of the time since i’d rather eat random cow than have dinner at someone’s house and tell them their choice in meat is not to my satisfaction- snobbery is not my goal)
- i will give birth to my unborn baby in a water tub at a birth center, with a midwife* (subject to change- baby dictates everything and while i’ll assume at this point that i may have some control, we both know that’s crap)
- if it’s yellow, i generally let it mellow
- raw milk cheese is THE JAM and i eat it whenever given the opportunity
- the list continues, but you get the gist
so other things you should know before you dive into this mess…
- i won’t capitalize anything if i don’t feel like it, it takes the fun out of blogging.
- i would rather watch crap ABC family shows than any election coverage of any kind. ever.
- i think i would make an awesome rich person. i hope one day i get to test my theory.
- i cuss. kind of a lot. i will try and curb this habit…someday.
- i think my friends are better than your friends.
- most of the magazines i subscribe to never actually get read. this is me wasting money, but at least i only have one subscription.
- i’m a better cook than i am a baker. baking is too messy- i don’t like flour all over my counter.
- if i have to pick my nose in the car, like most people- i pretend that no one can see me.
- when i become that rich person that i think i’d be so good at being, i’m finally going to be able to be as trendy and stylish as i think my personality may warrant, but my wallet can’t really get the hang of. it’s going to be awesome.
- i don’t like it when i’m in the bathroom at work and people try to have a conversation with me. i’d rather just pee in silence and talk later.
- i like to embarrass my teenage sisters with reckless abandon- it helps that it’s not difficult in the least.
- i was obsessed with my husband when i was in high school but never actually spoke to him until my mid-20s. there’s something to be said for high school crushes/obsessions/objects of affection that require inordinate amounts of stalking.
- there will be typos. probably a lot of them.
- i think hot dogs are delicious, but of course only if they’re grass-fed beef (see above list re: my being a little granola).
- in my expert opinion there seem to be far more dumb people than there are logical, thoughtful, intelligent people.
- if i see a puppy or any other small furry thing, i will immediately start talking in a baby voice to it. i’m not proud of this, it’s just how it is.
- when i paint my nails, i suddenly feel very fancy.
- i snort when i laugh, not all the time, just when it provides the most embarrassment possible, like at work or in front of people that i don’t really know.
- i, use, too, many, commas.
sassy granola 